It’s understandable because leaders lead through their leaders/direct reports. Between meetings and working with and through their direct reports, there’s often very little time left over. Plus, most leaders feel like they’re undercutting their leaders/direct reports if they “go behind the leader’s back” and talk to employees one or two levels down the org chart.

On the other hand, this is disastrous because what gives leaders power isn’t their position but the will of “the people”. And what drives the will of “the people,” or what causes them to want to give power to a leader, is their belief that the leader understands them, cares for them, feels for them, “gets them.”

One of my favorite studies on this subject is related to who wins the election for President of the United States. In every election over the past sixty years, the person who won the election has been the person with the highest “likeability quotient.” For example, JFK over Nixon. LBJ over Humphrey. Regan over Dukakis. Clinton over Bush I. Bush II over Gore and Kerry. Obama over McCain. In other words, forget politics and policies, most people, when they’re in an election booth and have to make a choice, tend to vote for whomever they “like” the most.

In other words, whenever “the people” feel like someone “gets them,” they willingly give power over to that person. But whenever they feel that someone is elitist or doesn’t get them or understand them and their issues, power leaves. Putting politics aside, this is one of the major issues confronting our current president, Barack Obama.

President Obama was voted in on a populist platform where people felt like he understood them and their issues. Unfortunately, two years later, his poll ratings are down almost 20 points, with a higher disapproval rating than an approval rating. Why? For a number of reasons, but if you listen to the comments most people make it’s that they feel he’s “out of touch,” he doesn’t “understand them,” he doesn’t “know what matters to them anymore,” he’s “elitist,” etc.

This same thing happens to owners and CEOs of small and medium-sized businesses all the time. As they grow, they spend all their time with senior executives or their top team or with investors or board members, etc. And then they wonder why their people don’t follow them like they used to. Hello?

Great leaders know they have to frequently be among “the people”. This is why Managing by Wandering Around (MBWA) was such a powerful concept. And I’ve watched it literally transform companies and organizations–small and large. There’s something very powerful that happens when the people of a business or organization feel connected to their leader.

In fact, I was just talking to one of my daughters the other day about her former principal, Suzanne Maxey, whom we all loved. She transformed a school. And one of the ways she did it was she was “among the people.” And she didn’t just show up at events, she valued the input of the students she interacted with (as well as faculty). She “got them.”

In fact, one of my daughter’s favorite practices of Suzanne was that she would often get on the intercom and say something like, “Okay, whoever is in the second row, third seat from the front, please report to the auditorium.” The students would file down to the auditorium and then she’d ask them questions and seek their input (i.e. she held randomly selected focus groups). Suzanne led well for a number of reasons, but one of them was that she was “among the people.” Unfortunately, some of the other principals who have come before her and after her, missed this lesson–to the detriment of the school.

At the end of the day, positional power can only get a leader so far (just ask Tony Howard of BP). What makes a great leader great is that they have referential power; that is, power willingly bestowed upon them–not because of position, but because of choice. And what drives that choice? It’s the belief by “the people” that their leader gets them, likes them, cares for them and understands them.

It doesn’t matter whether you’re running a tech company with $15M in revenue or a multi-national consumer products company with $15B in revenue. If you want to lead well, you need to be among your people. And not just physically, they need to feel you value them, hear them, and understand them.

So, how are you doing at this? How much time each week do you spend with people “down the org chart”? How much time do you spend doing MBWA? How much do your people like you? How much do you like them? What are their major concerns right now? How are you addressing them? Do you “get them”? Do they feel the same?

Remember, if you want to lead well, be among the people. You can’t lead well from a distance. If you’re only meeting with your top level people, you’re missing out. You need to be among the people if you really want to enter the ranks of being a great leader.

To your accelerated success!

Why? Because it’s a mistake I see a lot of leaders make (i.e. they don’t apologize–or apologize enough–or apologize soon enough) and they all pay a price for that. It doesn’t matter if you’re the President of the United States or the CEO of a global company (BP anyone?) or the Senior Pastor of a large church or the Managing Partner of a large law firm or the Executive Director of a Non-Profit/Association or the Owner of a five person professional services firm. Most leaders don’t get this–and it’s a mistake.

In the post to my daughters I mention that Leroy Jethro Gibbs (the main character on NCIS if you don’t watch the show) is wrong. His opinion is that apologizing is a sign of weakness and you should never do it. I respectfully disagree. Apologizing isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength. And great leaders get this.

In Marshall Goldsmith’s wonderful book on leadership, What Got You Here Won’t Get You There (which is a must read), he makes the following statement,

“I regard apologizing as the most magical, healing, restorative gesture human beings can make. It is the centerpiece of my work with executives who want to get better.”

Now, lest you try to brush past this statement quickly, you ought to know that the CEOs Marshall coaches are Fortune 500 CEOs. On the list of the Top 50 Thinkers in Business, he’s number 14. In other words, when Marshall Goldsmith says that the centerpiece in his work with executives who want to get better is to help them learn how to apologize, that’s worth paying attention to.

For years, I’ve taught leaders this same idea–that they should apologize freely and frequently. Why? Because relationships matter. If you’re confident as a leader, then you have the strength to apologize and don’t need to worry about self-preservation or ego. And the amazing thing is that when you do apologize, relationships get stronger and the problem is usually eliminated right then and there.

However, when leaders don’t apologize everything gets worse. Relationships get strained and often sever (and, frequently, for life). Conflicts increase. Trust is broken. Sides are taken. Commitment decreases. New problems arise. Productivity decreases. Etc. In other words, nothing positive happens when leaders choose to not apologize. I’ve literally watched organizations shrivel all because a leader or group of leaders at the top weren’t willing to apologize for what they had done. Amazing!

But apologizing isn’t only the right thing to do because of relationships, it’s also good business practice. For example, in a study at the University of Michigan’s Health System, when they opened the doors for doctors to apologize for a medical error guess what happened? Lawsuits didn’t go up–they went down–and in half! In addition, awards went down as well.

“Apologies for medical errors, along with upfront compensation, (reduces) anger of patients and families, which leads to a reduction in medical malpractice lawsuits and associated defense litigation expenses,” says Doug Wojieszak, spokesman for The Sorry Works! Coalition.

Furthermore, on a practical level, I’ve watched this for years. It’s always been my practice to apologize as quickly as possible. Now, frequently, the issue isn’t over something you’ve actually done wrong, it’s their perception of what you did wrong. In those cases, you can apologize for what it has communicated to them or how it’s affected them. “I’m sorry that when I said … it communicated … to you. That was not my intent at all. And I am truly sorry that it’s negatively affected our relationship.” Apology made. Apology accepted. Conflict ended.

So as you look at your work place and relationships, are there some relationships you need to restore with a long overdue apology? Or is there a decision that you’ve made that has had a negative impact that you haven’t owned up to? Just apologize. And from this point forward, make it your policy to apologize freely, frequently and fast. You’ll be amazed at the impact. Plus, you’ll have just made, “the most magical, healing and restorative gesture a human being can make!” Who can argue with that?

To your accelerated success!

P.S. Yes, there are a few instances where you haven’t done anything wrong and you shouldn’t apologize, but, in general, your default position should be to take responsibility and restore relationships whenever possible.

• Would they be your core values (for ex. respect, responsibility, honesty and service)?
• Would they be a phrase (for ex. “Make it so, #1” in deference to Capt. Jean Luc Picard of Start Trek: The Next Generation fame)?
• Would they be actions (for ex. Farm, Call, Convert, Upsell)?
• Or would they be something else?

It’s an interesting question. If you were to narrow down your business philosophy to just four words, what would they be?

Well, last evening I was perusing Tom Peter’s website and downloaded one of his Power Point ® Presentations (which are free, by the way). As I was reading through a recent speech he gave for Inc. I came across this one slide that simply said,

The four most important words in any organization are, “What do you think?”

I love that!

Note: this was a line from a comment posted on his blog at www.tompeters.com from a guy named Dave Wheeler.

But the reason why I love this slide is because I love the simplicity and power contained in those four simple words, “What do you think?” Having observed and consulted with enough businesses and organizations, I would concur that those four words could/can literally change a company.

As leaders, we so often get stuck in the “It’s my job to have all the answers,” or “It’s my job to come up with solutions to problems,” etc. that we forget that our primary job as leaders is not to have all the answers or to tell everyone the answers, but to leverage the time, talent, resources and INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY of the people in our organization/business to achieve some kind of results.

Even more, when we ask, “What do you think?” what we’re doing is so much more than just asking a question. For example, when you ask your people, “What do you think?”

1. You’re giving your people respect (I value what you have to say, which is why I’ve asked you)
2. You’re training your people to be solutions creators (I want you to help solve this so you can do this in the future)
3. You’re bringing new ideas into the mix (not giving in to your own biases and prejudices)
4. You’re creating buy-in (since people tend to own what they help create)
5. And you’re creating relational capital.

At every juncture, you win as a leader just by remembering to ask, EVERY DAY, “What do you think?

I think Dave is right on. These could easily be the four most important words in any organization.

So … What do you think?

To your accelerated success,

P.S. Either today or tomorrow (depending on when you’re reading this), make it a goal to ask at least FIVE people, “What do you think?” Then do the same thing the next day, and the next day and the next day after that as well.

• 1 in 3 high potentials employees admits to not putting their all into their job
• 1 in 4 believes they’ll be working for another employer by the end of the year
• 1 in 5 believes that their personal aspirations are different from what the organization has planned for them
• 4 out of 10 have little confidence in their co-workers and even less in the senior team

In other words, there may be more trouble out there than you see (or are acknowledging). So, what should you do? Well, here are a few thoughts, all of which could be summed up in one phrase,

Don’t treat your thoroughbreds the same way you treat everyone else!

1. Give them challenging assignments. High-potentials get bored easily and tend to disengage accordingly. However, they love a challenge. So keep throwing them stimulating projects where they know they can make a difference.

2. Give them access to you. High-potentials want contact with the person at the top–and not just occasionally. They like knowing they have access to the “king” (or “queen” :-). Relationships build far greater loyalty than anything else. So, invest time in them. Talent development should always be high on your agenda!

3. Give them inside info. Let them know they know things that not everyone else does. And share your future ideas and strategies with them. In other words, make sure they know that they’re not just getting the same information that everyone else in your company is getting.

4. Give them lots of freedom. Thoroughbreds don’t like to be harnessed. So, don’t try to control or contain or limit them. Give them as much autonomy as possible to get the job done. Thoroughbreds flourish when they get to make the calls. Yes, they’ll make messes. But they’ll also get your company where you want to get faster.

5. Give them more. Give them more recognition. Give them more money (or other forms of compensation). And give them more assignments. High-potentials thrive in an environment where they’re given more–so make sure you give them what they want.

Forget “fairness” and “equity.” Jefferson was wrong. We’re not all created equally. We all have equal worth and value as human beings, but we don’t all have the same skill sets and abilities. Nor does everyone on your team have the same impact on your business or organization.

So, who are you high-potentials (along with your current top performers)? And what is your plan for each of them this year? Remember the stats above. You just can’t assume they’ll always be with you–or that they’re giving you all they can. They do have more. And the better you are at releasing that more, the better you and your business will do! And the longer they’ll be with you!

To your accelerated success!

Note:If you have some conflict norms of your own–or comments about this video, please leave your thoughts and ideas below!

Now, while there are plenty of reasons why this happens, one of the main reasons why (and one that you have complete control over) is this, “Because you’re thinking like you and not like them.” This happens all the time. In fact, it’s one of the most common conversations I have with my clients.

You want something done. Let’s say you want them to call on a client, or follow through on a task, or recruit a new employee, or ask for a referral at the point of sale, or put together the spring company picnic. The actual task is somewhat irrelevant. What is relevant is that you want them to do something.

In your mind, that task is very clear. But is it in theirs?

For example, using Myers-Briggs, I have a number of CEO clients who are classic NTs (intuitive thinkers who go by their gut and don’t like lots of detail and direction). However, most of them have senior leaders who aren’t NTs. In fact, a lot of their top teams are made up of SJs (sensing-judgers who don’t go by their gut and who prefer lots of data, details and direction).

You can see where this is headed, can’t you?

The NT leader doesn’t want lots of direction and details–so he doesn’t give them. When he says, “Angela, put together the company picnic,” in his mind, that’s all she needs. Why? Because that’s all he needs. The last thing he wants is a detailed list of what to do, where to get supplies, what communications to send out, who should be involved, where to hold the picnic, what activities to include or not to include, etc.

However, SJs crave that detail. SJs want to do things right. They like to follow policies and procedures. They don’t like to create from scratch. They get stumped and become indecisive when “everything is an option.” And because they have a leader who hasn’t communicated in a way that they get, they don’t get the task done.

Yes, life would be easier if all of our employees would do what we want them to do when we want them to do those activities simply because “we’re the boss and we told them, ‘Do this.’” However, fighting human nature is usually a losing battle. And as Dr. Phil reminds us, “How’s that working for you?”

If you want to produce results through your people and leverage their time, talents, resources and intellectual property (something which all leaders should want to do), then you’ll want to step back from your own personality and preferences and think about the people you’re communicating with–and then communicate in ways that connect with them.

Remember, what seems obvious to you is not always obvious to others–and that may be precisely why your people are not getting what you want them to get.

So try this. Take something that one or more of your employees aren’t “getting” or doing. Then pretend you’re them in their position and with their personality. How are you hearing the task differently now? Using that understanding, how can you better communicate what you’re trying to say in such a way that they’ll hear what you want them to hear?

Do this and you’ll be way ahead of other CEOs and leaders–plus your people will be getting way more done along the way!

To your accelerated success!

Or if you could avoid the pain of missed communication–from frustration and conflict to lost opportunities and sales. Or if you could avoid doing or saying something that might injure a key relationship–what would that be worth to you? I’m guessing a lot. Well, get ready because you’re about to get that one idea/technique–and it won’t cost you a thing.

I learned this idea/technique from a minister and author from England named John Stott. In his classic book on pastoral communication (also known as preaching :-), Stott introduced a concept he calls quadruple thinking–and it’s brilliant! The basic idea is this. It occurs in four parts (hence the phrase, quadruple thinking).

1.    You think of what you want to say
2.    You think of how the person you’re communicating to will hear what you have to say
3.    You rethink what you have to say
4.    So they will hear what you want them to hear.

Brilliant! In other words, if you or I want to be more effective communicators (and as a leader of a small or medium-sized business or organization you ought to want to be), then

We don’t have the luxury of ever just saying what we want to say.

Why? Because communication always involves two (or more) people. And that means that the other person must ALWAYS be factored into the equation.

For example: You’re in a rush and under a lot of pressure. You call in one of your employees and say, “Here’s an assignment, just make it happen.” You don’t have a lot of time to spell out what you want done–after all, they’re an adult, they can figure it out. And furthermore, you don’t want to be known as a micro-manager. So you just hand out an assignment. Unfortunately, the person you handed that assignment to is, in Myers-Briggs language, an SJ.

SJs are great workers. They make up roughly 40% of the population. They follow assignments. They get things done. BUT ONE THING that SJs don’t do well is create from scratch. SJs like to do things right. However, if they don’t know what right is, they get stumped–which is why SJs LOVE DIRECTIONS. They like their leaders to spell out details.

So while you may think you communicated clearly to your employee, the reality is you didn’t. If, on the other hand, you were employing quadruple thinking, you might have thought. “Let’s see, Barb is an SJ. As an SJ, Barb is going to want lots of direction on this assignment. So, I better clear out 15 minutes to talk with her about this assignment today.”

On the other hand, if Bob is an NT (in Myers Briggs language–and NTs don’t like lots of direction) then your quadruple thinking conversation might go like this. “Let’s see, Bob is an NT. NTs hate to be straight-jacketed with lots of direction and control so I better just walk by Bob’s desk and give him this assignment and a due date.”

Remember, the goal of communication isn’t simply to process sounds out of our minds into words on paper, screen or air. The goal of communication is to connect with another human being for a specific result or reason. Therefore, they must always be factored into the conversation.

Now, in one sense, this seems so blatantly obvious, that it shouldn’t have to be stated. But it’s not. Common sense is not common practice. Every day in every workplace (or home), miscommunication takes place. And while neither you nor I can’t completely eliminate it, we can greatly reduce it by practicing this one simple technique: Quadruple Thinking!

1.    You think of what you want to say
2.    You think of how the person you’re communicating to will hear what you have to say
3.    You rethink what you have to say
4.    So they will hear what you want them to hear.

Go ahead, give it a try! If you really get it, this should change every conversation and communication you ever have from this day forward–that is, if you want to be an effective leader and communicator.

To your accelerated success!

P.S. Let me know what you think of this idea in the comments section below!

First, before I share the two lessons, here’s what happened. I received my latest bill yesterday and now, for the fourth month in a row it’s wrong. Each time I call and talk with a representative. Each time they make the change on their end and tell me what the correct figure is. Each time I ask, “Are you sure this is the correct amount?” Each time, they say “Yes!” So, I pay the amount they tell me to and then when I receive my next bill, guess what? Exactly, there’s a “balance forwarded” amount equal to what I was told not to pay.

But to make matters worse, when I called this time, I went through their voice mail system (which is frustrating in an of itself). However, when I finally got to the response, “Your wait time is …”, I was told, “Your wait time is 15 minutes. If you’d like us to call you back in 15 minutes, please press 1”. When I heard that, I was pleasantly surprised. “Hey, this is a nice change!” So, I left my name and number (which was interesting given that they already had both), and went and did something else rather than wait with a phone next to my hear.

Around fifteen minutes later, the phone rang. However, instead of a “live” person, it was an automated attendant. It confirmed I was on the line and then told me I would get the next available customer service agent. Why the system was designed so that I wasn’t directly connected to an attendant makes no sense. But that wasn’t the frustrating part. The frustrating part was that I had to wait on hold an additional 15 minutes before a “live” attendant came on line. So much for the customer service idea of leaving a number so I didn’t have to wait on a phone line for an attendant. In fact, I would have felt better had I just remained on the line in the first place.

Now that you know the situation, what are the two lessons that you and I need to take away from this experience–lessons even Verizon doesn’t get?

1. Make it easy for frustrated people to contact you and get the answers they want ASAP. When a customer decides to call customer service, they’re usually already frustrated. So when you’re frustrated, how excited are you to have to go through 52 questions to “get to the right person”? Not very. When someone’s frustrated, they want to talk to a real person who can answer their questions and solve their problems immediately. The last thing they want to do is to go through 20 or 50 questions just to get to the person they wanted to talk with when they originally called.

So, as you look at your business, where do you make it hard for customers to deal with you? When do you make it hard for them to get answers or solve a problem?

2. When you make a promise to a customer or prospect, you better deliver on that expectation–or don’t make the claim in the first place. Why? Because promises raise expectations. If Verizon hadn’t offered the 15 minute return call so I didn’t have to wait on the phone, I wouldn’t have been as ticked off. But because they made the offer (a systems choice), they raised my expectations–which made the 15 minute wait after they called me back even worse. I wasn’t ticked the first time, but the second time I was.

So, as you look at your business, where do you make promises that you aren’t fully living out? When do you raise expectations that you aren’t following through (or consistently following through) all the time?

If you want to grow the kind of business customers want to use over and over again, then you’ll want to apply these two lessons on a consistent basis to your business.

To your accelerated success!

Why? Because what signal does that send to employees?

Senior executives like to critique and evaluate employee performance. And when I’m with them, they’re almost always critical of the performance of any number of their people (which is fine). But then they wonder why their people don’t listen or make changes in response to the feedback that they (the senior exec) have given them (the employee). Hello!

It’s always been true. People do what people see.

If you want your people to be open to critique, then you need to be the most open to critique of anyone in your organization. If you want your people to make changes in response to critique, then you need to be the fastest change agent in your organization. And if you don’t want your people to be excuse makers, then you need to avoid excuse making like the plague.

One of my favorite professors used to say, “If you want your people to bleed, then you need to hemorrhage.”

In other words, one of the costs of leadership is that we not only have to go first, we have to go farther. Why? Because people do what people see.

Forget what you say. Your people are watching you every day and they’re watching your non-verbals first.

• Do you get defensive with your physical posture?
• Do you look disengaged or angry?
• Do you lean in like you’re going to attack them?
• Do you have that, “Don’t mess with me!” vibe?
• Or do you have an open, pleasant and receptive look?

Then they look at your verbals.

• Do you respond harshly?
• Do you go on the attack?
• Do you make excuses?
• Or, do you ask questions, “Can you help me understand that?” and then say, “Thank you!”

Bottom line, if you want your people to be more open to critique and make changes, then you’ll want to make sure you’re the most open to critique person on your team. It really does matter more than you think!

To your accelerated success!

In 18 seasons, he’s won 10 NBA championships with two different teams (Chicago Bulls and Los Angeles Lakers). He’s won 1, 250 games with a winning percentage of .705 in the regular season and .670 in the post-season. And he’s done that with an interesting group of very different and diverse individuals/characters (Dennis Rodman immediately comes to mind :-). So what does Phil Jackson have to do with your business? Answer, a lot.

When you became the leader of your business, you moved from being the primary producer to being the coach of your team. When that occurred (and it did occur once you hired employee number one), everything changed. Like Phil, you aren’t judged on what you do but what your players do. If that’s true, and it is, then watching and learning from great coaches ought to be a regular part of your own personal development.

In the case of Jackson, what’s amazing about him is that he’s not only been able to attract great talent, but he’s been able to change how he leads and the strategies he chooses, based on the players he’s had to work with. From Michael Jordan and Scotty Pippen to Shaq and Kobe, Jackson has consistently brought out the best in the players he’s had.

And if you were to summarize his coaching philosophy in a few statements it might look something like this.

• Expect the best from your players
• Treat them like talent
• Trust them to make the right decisions
• Let them play through difficult patches (i.e. don’t yank them out quickly)
• Teach them new ideas and concepts (and reinforce them over and over again)
• Treat different players differently (because they are)
• Focus on team success over personal success (i.e. players can be stars but only teams win championships)
• Push your players, but more importantly, teach them to push themselves harder
• Plays to their strengths (i.e. change your strategies to fit your players, not your players to fit your strategies).

Seeing that those ideas have lead to 10 championship seasons, they might be a list worth referring to regularly.

So, looking at that list, how are you doing as a coach? Remember, at the end of the day, your success as a coach isn’t dependent upon what you do, but what your players do. In light of that, maybe the better question is, “How’s your team doing?” If they’re not acting like a championship team, then you know where to start! Great teams are always built by great coaches!

To your accelerated success!