Archive for Relationships
The Quickest Way to Enhance Any Communication You’re Having
Posted by: | CommentsIf you could find one idea or technique that could quickly and “almost miraculously” transform any communication you’re engaged in–from speaking at a community event to leading a team training or meeting to talking with a loved one to writing a letter or blog post–what would that be worth to you?
Or if you could avoid the pain of missed communication–from frustration and conflict to lost opportunities and sales. Or if you could avoid doing or saying something that might injure a key relationship–what would that be worth to you? I’m guessing a lot. Well, get ready because you’re about to get that one idea/technique–and it won’t cost you a thing.
I learned this idea/technique from a minister and author from England named John Stott. In his classic book on pastoral communication (also known as preaching :-), Stott introduced a concept he calls quadruple thinking–and it’s brilliant! The basic idea is this. It occurs in four parts (hence the phrase, quadruple thinking).
1. You think of what you want to say
2. You think of how the person you’re communicating to will hear what you have to say
3. You rethink what you have to say
4. So they will hear what you want them to hear.
Brilliant! In other words, if you or I want to be more effective communicators (and as a leader of a small or medium-sized business or organization you ought to want to be), then
We don’t have the luxury of ever just saying what we want to say.
Why? Because communication always involves two (or more) people. And that means that the other person must ALWAYS be factored into the equation.
For example: You’re in a rush and under a lot of pressure. You call in one of your employees and say, “Here’s an assignment, just make it happen.” You don’t have a lot of time to spell out what you want done–after all, they’re an adult, they can figure it out. And furthermore, you don’t want to be known as a micro-manager. So you just hand out an assignment. Unfortunately, the person you handed that assignment to is, in Myers-Briggs language, an SJ.
SJs are great workers. They make up roughly 40% of the population. They follow assignments. They get things done. BUT ONE THING that SJs don’t do well is create from scratch. SJs like to do things right. However, if they don’t know what right is, they get stumped–which is why SJs LOVE DIRECTIONS. They like their leaders to spell out details.
So while you may think you communicated clearly to your employee, the reality is you didn’t. If, on the other hand, you were employing quadruple thinking, you might have thought. “Let’s see, Barb is an SJ. As an SJ, Barb is going to want lots of direction on this assignment. So, I better clear out 15 minutes to talk with her about this assignment today.”
On the other hand, if Bob is an NT (in Myers Briggs language–and NTs don’t like lots of direction) then your quadruple thinking conversation might go like this. “Let’s see, Bob is an NT. NTs hate to be straight-jacketed with lots of direction and control so I better just walk by Bob’s desk and give him this assignment and a due date.”
Remember, the goal of communication isn’t simply to process sounds out of our minds into words on paper, screen or air. The goal of communication is to connect with another human being for a specific result or reason. Therefore, they must always be factored into the conversation.
Now, in one sense, this seems so blatantly obvious, that it shouldn’t have to be stated. But it’s not. Common sense is not common practice. Every day in every workplace (or home), miscommunication takes place. And while neither you nor I can’t completely eliminate it, we can greatly reduce it by practicing this one simple technique: Quadruple Thinking!
1. You think of what you want to say
2. You think of how the person you’re communicating to will hear what you have to say
3. You rethink what you have to say
4. So they will hear what you want them to hear.
Go ahead, give it a try! If you really get it, this should change every conversation and communication you ever have from this day forward–that is, if you want to be an effective leader and communicator.
To your accelerated success!
P.S. Let me know what you think of this idea in the comments section below!
Don’t Follow Verizon’s Lead!
Posted by: | CommentsI’m constantly amazed how a large company can be so terrible at customer service and have their systems so poorly designed and run. I’ve written about this multiple times, but there are two key lessons any business ought to take from my latest encounter with the mess called Verizon.
First, before I share the two lessons, here’s what happened. I received my latest bill yesterday and now, for the fourth month in a row it’s wrong. Each time I call and talk with a representative. Each time they make the change on their end and tell me what the correct figure is. Each time I ask, “Are you sure this is the correct amount?” Each time, they say “Yes!” So, I pay the amount they tell me to and then when I receive my next bill, guess what? Exactly, there’s a “balance forwarded” amount equal to what I was told not to pay.
But to make matters worse, when I called this time, I went through their voice mail system (which is frustrating in an of itself). However, when I finally got to the response, “Your wait time is …”, I was told, “Your wait time is 15 minutes. If you’d like us to call you back in 15 minutes, please press 1”. When I heard that, I was pleasantly surprised. “Hey, this is a nice change!” So, I left my name and number (which was interesting given that they already had both), and went and did something else rather than wait with a phone next to my hear.
Around fifteen minutes later, the phone rang. However, instead of a “live” person, it was an automated attendant. It confirmed I was on the line and then told me I would get the next available customer service agent. Why the system was designed so that I wasn’t directly connected to an attendant makes no sense. But that wasn’t the frustrating part. The frustrating part was that I had to wait on hold an additional 15 minutes before a “live” attendant came on line. 
So much for the customer service idea of leaving a number so I didn’t have to wait on a phone line for an attendant. In fact, I would have felt better had I just remained on the line in the first place.
Now that you know the situation, what are the two lessons that you and I need to take away from this experience–lessons even Verizon doesn’t get?
1. Make it easy for frustrated people to contact you and get the answers they want ASAP. When a customer decides to call customer service, they’re usually already frustrated. So when you’re frustrated, how excited are you to have to go through 52 questions to “get to the right person”? Not very. When someone’s frustrated, they want to talk to a real person who can answer their questions and solve their problems immediately. The last thing they want to do is to go through 20 or 50 questions just to get to the person they wanted to talk with when they originally called.
So, as you look at your business, where do you make it hard for customers to deal with you? When do you make it hard for them to get answers or solve a problem?
2. When you make a promise to a customer or prospect, you better deliver on that expectation–or don’t make the claim in the first place. Why? Because promises raise expectations. If Verizon hadn’t offered the 15 minute return call so I didn’t have to wait on the phone, I wouldn’t have been as ticked off. But because they made the offer (a systems choice), they raised my expectations–which made the 15 minute wait after they called me back even worse. I wasn’t ticked the first time, but the second time I was.
So, as you look at your business, where do you make promises that you aren’t fully living out? When do you raise expectations that you aren’t following through (or consistently following through) all the time?
If you want to grow the kind of business customers want to use over and over again, then you’ll want to apply these two lessons on a consistent basis to your business.
To your accelerated success!
How Do You Respond to Critique and Feedback?
Posted by: | CommentsIt’s more important than you think! When I work with senior executives, and we’re one-on-one, they tend to be defensive around critique and accountability in general. But when I’m with them, and they need to be critiqued in front of their executive teams (Note: in a session designed for critique and evaluation. I normally provide feedback one-on-one after a meeting, not in public), their response is almost always defensive–and that’s not good news.
Why? Because what signal does that send to employees?
Senior executives like to critique and evaluate employee performance. And when I’m with them, they’re almost always critical of the performance of any number of their people (which is fine). But then they wonder why their people don’t listen or make changes in response to the feedback that they (the senior exec) have given them (the employee). Hello!
It’s always been true. People do what people see.
If you want your people to be open to critique, then you need to be the most open to critique of anyone in your organization. If you want your people to make changes in response to critique, then you need to be the fastest change agent in your organization. And if you don’t want your people to be excuse makers, then you need to avoid excuse making like the plague.
One of my favorite professors used to say, “If you want your people to bleed, then you need to hemorrhage.”
In other words, one of the costs of leadership is that we not only have to go first, we have to go farther. Why? Because people do what people see.
Forget what you say. Your people are watching you every day and they’re watching your non-verbals first.
- Do you get defensive with your physical posture?
- Do you look disengaged or angry?
- Do you lean in like you’re going to attack them?
- Do you have that, “Don’t mess with me!” vibe?
- Or do you have an open, pleasant and receptive look?
Then they look at your verbals.
- Do you respond harshly?
- Do you go on the attack?
- Do you make excuses?
- Or, do you ask questions, “Can you help me understand that?” and then say, “Thank you!”
Bottom line, if you want your people to be more open to critique and make changes, then you’ll want to make sure you’re the most open to critique person on your team. It really does matter more than you think!
To your accelerated success!
Phil Jackson and Your Business
Posted by: | CommentsRegardless of whether you’re a basketball fan or not, you have to admire what Phil Jackson accomplished yesterday, as well as over the past 18 seasons he’s served as a head coach (similar to your role as the senior executive of a SMB). With yesterday’s NBA championship with the Los Angeles Lakers, Phil Jackson probably cemented his place in NBA history as the best coach of all-time.
In 18 seasons, he’s won 10 NBA championships with two different teams (Chicago Bulls and Los Angeles Lakers). He’s won 1, 250 games with a winning percentage of .705 in the regular season and .670 in the post-season. And he’s done that with an interesting group of very different and diverse individuals/characters (Dennis Rodman immediately comes to mind :-). So what does Phil Jackson have to do with your business? Answer, a lot.
When you became the leader of your business, you moved from being the primary producer to being the coach of your team. When that occurred (and it did occur once you hired employee number one), everything changed. Like Phil, you aren’t judged on what you do but what your players do. If that’s true, and it is, then watching and learning from great coaches ought to be a regular part of your own personal development.
In the case of Jackson, what’s amazing about him is that he’s not only been able to attract great talent, but he’s been able to change how he leads and the strategies he chooses, based on the players he’s had to work with. From Michael Jordan and Scotty Pippen to Shaq and Kobe, Jackson has consistently brought out the best in the players he’s had.
And if you were to summarize his coaching philosophy in a few statements it might look something like this.
- Expect the best from your players
- Treat them like talent
- Trust them to make the right decisions
- Let them play through difficult patches (i.e. don’t yank them out quickly)
- Teach them new ideas and concepts (and reinforce them over and over again)
- Treat different players differently (because they are)
- Focus on team success over personal success (i.e. players can be stars but only teams win championships)
- Push your players, but more importantly, teach them to push themselves harder
- Plays to their strengths (i.e. change your strategies to fit your players, not your players to fit your strategies).
Seeing that those ideas have lead to 10 championship seasons, they might be a list worth referring to regularly.
So, looking at that list, how are you doing as a coach? Remember, at the end of the day, your success as a coach isn’t dependent upon what you do, but what your players do. In light of that, maybe the better question is, “How’s your team doing?” If they’re not acting like a championship team, then you know where to start! Great teams are always built by great coaches!
To your accelerated success!
How to Connect and Motivate More People to Listen
Posted by: | CommentsDo you ever feel, when writing a letter or giving a speech, that you’re just not connecting well to most of the people in your audience? Or ever feel stuck when trying to write copy for a sales letter? If you have, I’ve got some great advice that will make any of those situations infinitely better.
I was listening to a free audio segment by Eben Pagan as he was promoting his new product launch. During that interview, another internet marketer, Frank Kern, asked him to share one of the best ideas from his new product. To which Eben said something like, “Sure, it’s the idea of using frameworks when structuring a letter or having a conversation.”
He then went on to say that he got this first framework from David Kolb of Harvard and it’s related to the four different learning styles people have. However, before he shared the four styles, he made two comments that I think are incredibly valuable and worth remembering.
2. Which means that most people aren’t effectively communicating with the majority of people when they teach (or write or communicate) since they’re not using all four styles.
Both of those insights are dead on! He then went on to share the four different learning styles
2. The What learning style – This kind of person likes to hear
content, theories, systems, history, etc.
3. The How learning style – This kind of person wants to hear the
practical steps of how to actually do the thing.
4. The What If learning style – This kind of person needs to know how to make this happen RICHT NOW and what the implications of that will be.
That’s brilliant! It’s such a simple outline and easy framework to use. For example, using this very subject, you’ve already seen the “WHY”. The intro asked you a couple of questions, plus the two points about communicating in your own style means that you’re not connecting with most people if you don’t use these four styles.
The WHAT, was the content related to David Kolb and the four learning styles. I’m a WHAT learner and you can see that clearly, for example, after relating the four styles I said, “That’s brilliant.”
However, we haven’t gotten to the HOW yet so some of you aren’t happy yet. The solution is to offer some practical how to’s. For example, I could say, “If you want to increase your ability to connect with all four styles, before you write a single word of your letter, speech or sales copy, write out these four words at the top of your paper, ‘Why? What? How? and What if?’ Then, answer them. Never ever communicate with a group of people without answering all four questions.”
Finally, for the WHAT IF people, I might say, “What I want you to do RIGHT NOW, before you move on to the next thing on your to do list is to make a list of the people you work with and what you think their primary learning style is. Then, the next time you talk with them today, communicate in that style and see what happens. Don’t wait until you have to write a letter or give a speech. Do it right now! And watch the difference.”
In other words, by covering all four styles, you’ll automatically increase the percentage of people who will actually hear what you’re saying in the way that they want to hear it. What a radical idea! So go do it NOW!
To your accelerated growth!
One Word That Can Change Everything
Posted by: | CommentsWhat if there was one word that could change everything for your business or organization? One word that could rally your team together and inspire them? One word that could unleash their full potential? One word that could take your business (or organization) from the “also rans” to the winners circle?
If there was such a word, wouldn’t you want to know it?
There is. But before I tell you that one word, let me say I’m confident you’ll be underwhelmed by it. You may even miss out on how important this one word is. After all, most leaders do. Even worse, it’s a common two letter word. You learned it as a child. And had to memorize it in a table in English class. So what is this one word that changes it all?
It’s a small two letter word that all great leaders and motivators use. It’s a personal pronoun that moves from the singular to the plural in the first person. It’s the one word, “We”
Don’t believe how powerful this one word is, then look at how our nation got started. Does not our founding document start with the words, “We, the people.”
Over the past few weeks, I’ve spent time with quite a few leaders, and almost all of them are either struggling with vision casting or aren’t taking advantage of it. And in every case, the simplest, easiest and fastest way to cast vision and inspire a group of people to go somewhere is to insert this simple two letter word into their communications.
- “This is who we’re becoming.”
- “This is who we are.“
- ”Here’s where we’re going.“
- ”When we get to.“
- ”When we’re known for.“
- ”This is how we’re going to get through this.“ etc.
That simple two letter word is powerful. Most leaders talk in terms of ”I“ or ”You.“ ”This is what I’m going to do,“ or ”This is what you need to do.“ But great leaders are masterful in their use of the first
person plural, ”This is what we’re going to do.“ And that one little word makes all the difference.
So, why don’t you try it this week. In every communication to your team (letter, email, speech, one-on-one, etc.), why don’t you try inserting the word, ”We“ and see the difference it makes.
As I frequently say, ”You can never cast vision too much.“ People leak vision every day. So keep casting it and rallying your team around it. And soon you’ll be telling others that there really is one word that can change everything.
To your accelerated success!
Your Staff Conflict Probably Isn’t Over What Everyone Thinks It Is!
Posted by: | CommentsOver the past month, I’ve talked with several clients about a common problem, staff conflicts. And in each case, the primary cause of the conflicts has been the same (even though the businesses are all in radically different fields) And even though the issues in each of these businesses have been completely different, I still maintain that the primary cause in each of them has been the same. And what it that cause? Answer: Personality differences.
Let me explain. In my former career, I used to pastor a large church–and unfortunately, churches are rather famous for their conflicts and splits. Early on in my career I would get frustrated that "people" couldn’t see what I could see. In return, they would be frustrated with me because I wanted to "move too fast," or "didn’t want to wait until all the data came in."
However, in the midst of all this, in the early 1990’s, one day I ended up re-reading Keirsey and Bates’ classic book on the Myers Briggs Personality Inventory (MBTI) entitled, Please Understand Me–and the lights came on. What we were "fighting" over wasn’t really what we were "fighting" over. We were "fighting" over how we see the world differently.
For example, I’m a classic INTJ. The N in the Myers Briggs typology means that I’m an iNtuitive. Intuitives go by their gut. They are future oriented. They sense something to be true and then act on that. However, most people are S’s. S’s, in the MBTI world are Sensors. Sensors need facts and data. They like to touch it, see it, hear it, smell it, and taste it before they act. Oh, and their orientation is towards the past (vs. the future of an N).
In other words, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that given just about any issue, N’s and S’s are probably going to have some conflict. In the case above, as a classic N, I’d sense something in my gut and "know" it was the right thing to do. And based on my past experience, I was confident that I’d be proven right if I had more data–but why wait. In fact, one of my favorite lines, which I stole from an architect I once worked with is, "You can believe me know or you can believe me later, but you’re going to believe me." Spoken like a true INTJ. Note: unlike the architect who told me that during a conflict we had, my pastoral training has instructed me to only use that line in moments of levity :-)
However, most of the people I was working with were S’s. And being true to their nature, they wanted more data and distrusted someone who didn’t need the same amount of data they did. Furthermore,based on the difference of our orientations (future vs. past) they would often think, "Why should we start another project when we haven’t completed the last one you talked us into?"
In other words, the conflict was almost never over the issue we thought it was. It was over how we all saw the world differently (and we’ve only scratched the surface of the N-S conflict, let alone the E-I conflict, the T-F conflict and the J-P conflict–all of which are huge).
So I’d encourage you to take a look at your current conflicts. How many of them are caused over personality differences? Not the simple ones like, "I value beauty" and "You value frugality." But the big inherent ones over how we see the world differently. My guess is that once you start using this grid, you’ll be surprised at how many of them can be traced directly back to personality differences. I’ve been watching this for a decade and a half now and it’s everywhere. In fact, I bet you can already begin to see how it’s all around you as well
Note: If you’re not familiar with Myers-Briggs, I’d encourage you to pick up a book on it and get familiar with the categories. Please Understand Me, The Art of Speedreading People, and Type Talk are three on my favorites.
Final thought for today. Just so we’re clear. Types aren’t meant to be prescriptive, but descriptive. Just because someone is a certain type, doesn’t mean that have to act that way. It just means that, in general, this is how they’ll act. So back to my case. Just because I prefer to go with my gut doesn’t mean I can’t accumulate and supply data to the people I’m leading (even though I don’t "need" it).
At the End of the Day, Likability Still Wins in Politics and Business
Posted by: | CommentsRegardless of which political party you’re in, or which presidential election you pick out of the past fifty years, the winner has almost always been the most likable of the two candidates (for example, Kennedy over Nixon, Carter over Ford, Reagan over Carter, Bush I over Dukakis, Clinton over Bush I, Bush II over Gore, etc.). And once again, in the Obama vs. Clinton race or the McCain vs. Romney race, we’re seeing it played out again. Interestingly, as of this moment, McCain wins over Clinton, but loses to Obama.
Now, this isn’t meant to be a final predictor of who’ll win in the fall. Who knows how the race will shape up and who will come off being the more likable (for example, who would have thought six months ago that McCain would be more likable then Romney), but the track record of likability is pretty consistent. Why? Because at the end of the day, we all like to do "business" with people we like.
In fact, just recently I was interviewing a lawyer for a speaking engagement I’m doing in May. During our interview he mentioned to me that he has to train the lawyers he’s hired to learn that most people will decide within four seconds if they’re going to do business with a lawyer. Four seconds! And what can someone decide in four seconds? "Do I think I’m going to like this person?"
Now, lest you be tempted to think that likabilty isn’t relevant to business growth, just review the people you do business with. Yes, you may endure a cranky business owner from time to time, but most of the time, you choose to do business with people you like. Now, occasionally you get stuck in a place where there isn’t much of a choice and neither option is likable. But whenever there is a choice between doing business with someone who’s likable vs. someone who’s not, likable wins every time (and in most case, you’re willing to pay a premium for the likable option–which is another good reason for taking likability seriously.
But it’s not just about you being likable, it’s every person in your business who has contact with any customer being likable. That means that the front desk person has to be likable. The bookkeeper or accounts receivable person has to be likable. Your VP of Marketing has to be likable. The cashier has to be likable. Etc. You pick the position. But whatever the position, the person in that position better be likable. Why? Because if they aren’t I can almost guarantee you that you’re not making as much money as you could.
So as you look through your business, grade your people on the L-Factor (as Tim Sanders calls it in his book, The Likability Factor). Who are your A players when it comes to likability? Your B players? And then your C and D players? Next, make a game plan for ensuring that you (and they) are all moving toward being A players when it comes to the L Factor. And finally, talk about likability frequently–especially with your managers and leaders. Why? Because you (and they) only have four seconds to win a customer over–and most people, when given the choice, prefer to do business with people they like.
Make Sure You’re On When You’re Supposed to Be On (The Chelsea Johnson Story)
Posted by: | CommentsHow many times have you gone out to a restaurant (or retail establishment or hotel or bank or . . . ) and been frustrated with the service? In your mind, this ought to be rather simple. If someone is in a service business, they ought to be prepared to serve. But what seems so obvious to us, isn’t. Which means that it really ought to be relatively easy to be remarkable in a service business (which most of us are in) simply by making sure that we’re on when we’re supposed to be on.
Case in point would be my daughter, Chelsea. Chelsea is 18 years old and has been making a boat load of money this summer since she started serving at Ruby Tuesdays here in Germantown MD. Within two weeks of starting, she was one of their highest tip earners by percentage and now fluctuates between number one and number two in total dollar volume. Week after week she comes home with amazing stories like receiving a $40 tip on a $10 ticket (from an elderly lady who had recently lost her husband and my daughter just listened to her). Or my favorite story is about the couple who, when they found out that my daughter was going to college this fall, decided to add, in addition to their generous tip, an extra $50 for her college education. Is that amazing, or what? Clearly, I’ve never been that generous to any one who’s served me–ever! So, what is my daughter’s secret?
It’s actually pretty simple. She’s on when she’s supposed to be on. It doesn’t matter how she feels or if her feet are killing her or if she’s working a double shift or if a coworker is making her life miserable, when she’s with a customer, she’s fully on. She’s engaging, she smiles, she laughs, she remembers people’s likes and dislikes, she anticipates their needs so that she has what they want before they can even verbalize it, she corrects problems without excuse, she’s entertaining, she brings more than is required and she loves people. In essence, what my daughter wants to do is make the experience for her customers remarkable (I wonder where she learned that?), knowing that if she delights them, they’ll be generous with her (and she’s right). Plus, she’s created a whole series of raving fans who not only request her section when they arrive, they tell others about her. Not bad for an eighteen year old–if you ask me (and I’m clearly impartial)!
So as you look at your business or area of responsibility, are you fully on when you’re supposed to be on? When you’re with a customer (or if you’re a manager, when you’re with your people), do you seek to delight them? Do you leave your problems behind and completely focus on them? Are you engaging? Are you fun? Do you remember their likes and dislikes? Do you anticipate their needs before they request them? Etc. In other words, are you fully on when you’re supposed to be on? Because if you’re not, not only are your customers (or employees) missing out, you are as well. But if you are fully on when you’re supposed to be on, then you’ve learned what my daughter has learned well this summer, that the rewards are clearly better to those who are fully on when they’re in the presence of a customer.
Make it a Remarkable Year
Posted by: | CommentsThe best part of a new year is that it’s a blank slate. For a brief moment in time, we forget the past and focus on the future. All of the junk of the past year (or years) is left behind us and we have but a new page to write upon. No matter what the junk or pain of the past year was, we now have a new opportunity to make a clean break with it and to write a new chapter—and for that I am grateful (as I’m sure many of you are as well!).
So, since we have this new opportunity in front of us, why don’t we take advantage of it and do something remarkable? It’s not that difficult. The number one distinguisher of remarkability is uniqueness (i.e. doing something different). So, if you want to make this year remarkable, how can you do something different in your marriage? Or your parenting? Or how about in your hobby area? Or what about your work? Or your volunteer service? Or your cooking?
If you and I continue do the same things we’ve been doing the same way we’ve been doing them, this year won’t, by definition, be remarkable. It’ll just be a repeat (and for most of us, that wouldn’t be a good thing!) Something has to change. Something has to be different.
So what would be different for you? What would light the fire of passion back in you? What project would make this year worthwhile? What dream would you like to fulfill? Whatever it is (assuming it is honorable and ethical), go for it! Start something you’ve always wanted to start. Do something different than you’ve done it in the past. Be unique. Be outrageous. Swing for the fences. And make this year remarkable. Refuse to repeat last year. Don’t surrender to the siren song of ordinary. Write a new chapter that you’ll be proud to share with anyone who asks you next year! This is your year! So go for it!!!