Archive for Attitude
Always Apologize!
Posted by: | CommentsI don’t know if you’ve read any of my posts on my new blog called Letters for My Daughters (where I’m writing a series of life lessons to pass on to them as they make their journey from home to life on their own), but I wrote one the other day on the title above and thought I ought to address the same idea (not the same content :-) with you.
Why? Because it’s a mistake I see a lot of leaders make (i.e. they don’t apologize–or apologize enough–or apologize soon enough) and they all pay a price for that. It doesn’t matter if you’re the President of the United States or the CEO of a global company (BP anyone?) or the Senior Pastor of a large church or the Managing Partner of a large law firm or the Executive Director of a Non-Profit/Association or the Owner of a five person professional services firm. Most leaders don’t get this–and it’s a mistake.
In the post to my daughters I mention that Leroy Jethro Gibbs (the main character on NCIS if you don’t watch the show) is wrong. His opinion is that apologizing is a sign of weakness and you should never do it. I respectfully disagree. Apologizing isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength. And great leaders get this.
In Marshall Goldsmith’s wonderful book on leadership, What Got You Here Won’t Get You There (which is a must read), he makes the following statement,
“I regard apologizing as the most magical, healing, restorative gesture human beings can make. It is the centerpiece of my work with executives who want to get better.”
Now, lest you try to brush past this statement quickly, you ought to know that the CEOs Marshall coaches are Fortune 500 CEOs. On the list of the Top 50 Thinkers in Business, he’s number 14. In other words, when Marshall Goldsmith says that the centerpiece in his work with executives who want to get better is to help them learn how to apologize, that’s worth paying attention to.
For years, I’ve taught leaders this same idea–that they should apologize freely and frequently. Why? Because relationships matter. If you’re confident as a leader, then you have the strength to apologize and don’t need to worry about self-preservation or ego. And the amazing thing is that when you do apologize, relationships get stronger and the problem is usually eliminated right then and there.
However, when leaders don’t apologize everything gets worse. Relationships get strained and often sever (and, frequently, for life). Conflicts increase. Trust is broken. Sides are taken. Commitment decreases. New problems arise. Productivity decreases. Etc. In other words, nothing positive happens when leaders choose to not apologize. I’ve literally watched organizations shrivel all because a leader or group of leaders at the top weren’t willing to apologize for what they had done. Amazing!
But apologizing isn’t only the right thing to do because of relationships, it’s also good business practice. For example, in a study at the University of Michigan’s Health System, when they opened the doors for doctors to apologize for a medical error guess what happened? Lawsuits didn’t go up–they went down–and in half! In addition, awards went down as well.
“Apologies for medical errors, along with upfront compensation, (reduces) anger of patients and families, which leads to a reduction in medical malpractice lawsuits and associated defense litigation expenses,” says Doug Wojieszak, spokesman for The Sorry Works! Coalition.
Furthermore, on a practical level, I’ve watched this for years. It’s always been my practice to apologize as quickly as possible. Now, frequently, the issue isn’t over something you’ve actually done wrong, it’s their perception of what you did wrong. In those cases, you can apologize for what it has communicated to them or how it’s affected them. “I’m sorry that when I said … it communicated … to you. That was not my intent at all. And I am truly sorry that it’s negatively affected our relationship.” Apology made. Apology accepted. Conflict ended.
So as you look at your work place and relationships, are there some relationships you need to restore with a long overdue apology? Or is there a decision that you’ve made that has had a negative impact that you haven’t owned up to? Just apologize. And from this point forward, make it your policy to apologize freely, frequently and fast. You’ll be amazed at the impact. Plus, you’ll have just made, “the most magical, healing and restorative gesture a human being can make!” Who can argue with that?
To your accelerated success!
P.S. Yes, there are a few instances where you haven’t done anything wrong and you shouldn’t apologize, but, in general, your default position should be to take responsibility and restore relationships whenever possible.
How to Reduce Conflict on Your Team Before It Happens
Posted by: | CommentsAs you know, every team has conflict. To find out one of the best ways to ensure that everyone on your team “fights fair” when conflict does arise, you’ll want to watch the following video clip.
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Three Oscar Lessons for Your Annual Staff Celebration
Posted by: | CommentsFar too often, annual staff celebrations are left to the last minute or simply rehashes of the previous year’s shindig, when they should be something far more. Last evening’s Oscar awards show clearly points out three classy lessons for how to make your annual celebration something memorable.
1. Make it an Event – The Oscars Awards show isn’t just another awards show, it is THE event actors and actresses look forward to attending (as well as movie lovers everywhere from the comfort of their homes). Months of preparations go into the event. From set designs to scripts, from outfits to jewelry, from presenters to seating arrangements, and from the red carpet to the parties afterwards, the Oscars are an event.
Now, obviously, most small and medium-sized businesses can’t afford to put on an event like the Oscars, but you can create AN event that your people will look forward to every year. You can make it a formal affair so that everyone dresses their best. You can put together or hire some local talent for a small “production.” You can allocate enough of your budget to make your employees feel special. You can put together a team three to six months ahead of time to work on it so that they/you have time to make something remarkable happen.
Your annual celebration event doesn’t have to be a last minute affair that’s just thrown together. Make it an event–and your people will look forward to it–and they will feel far more valued!
2. Make Your Comments Heartfelt and Well-Prepared – One of the nice traditions from the past several years is towards the end of the evening when they’re getting ready to choose the best actor and actress recipients, they have one person who’s worked with the nominee get up and say something nice about them. Five nominees, five short “speeches.” Some of the people making these comments are clearly not very close to the nominee. Some of them try to say something funny. But the ones that are most memorable, like Michelle Pfeiffer’s comments last evening about Jeff Bridges, are heartfelt and well-prepared.
She didn’t try to be funny or glib or light. She spoke from her heart and spoke of how much she admired Jeff and his work–as well as his commitment to his family (believe it or not, he’s someone in Hollywood who has been married for 33 years). Jeff was moved to tears, And so were we. I’ve forgotten most of the funny comments (other than Tim Robbins’ comments about Morgan Freeman–which would only make sense if you heard them), but I haven’t forgotten her comments to Jeff–nor the level of emotion they evoked. I doubt Jeff will forget them either.
In other words, don’t just wing your comments about your employees. If you’re going to honor them, honor them. Take the time to say something that’ll move them, that let’s you know how much you appreciate them, and that will evoke an emotion in everyone hearing them. There are times for roasts and light humor. But when you want to honor someone and make them feel it, speak from your heart and let them feel it.
3. Get as Many People as Possible Involved – In far too many SMBs, too many leaders think, “If I want this to be something that my people appreciate, I need to just let them attend. I’ll take care of all the details.” But that’s wrong thinking. How many actors and actresses do you think think, “Boy, I hope they don’t ask me to be a presenter this year!” Buzz! They want to participate. Or how many actors or actresses think, “I hope they don’t send me a ballot or ask my opinion.” Etc.
When something is classy, people want to participate (it’s when it’s just thrown together that they don’t). Furthermore, as a leader, you should know, “What people help create, they own.”
Get as many of your people as possible involved in creating and delivering your annual celebration event. Make it special. Make it the highlight of the year. Make it something everyone looks forward to. And not only will your people want to play a part–they’ll also feel more valued and appreciated–and happier to be on your team–which sounds like a win-win to me!
To your accelerated success!
P.S. If you’ve ever been a part of a great annual celebration, write what happened (or what you did) in the comments section below. Share the wealth.
P.P.S. The three key questions are
1. What would make this year’s celebration an event that people will remember (and not just a rehash of last year)?
2. What can I (or others) say that will move our awards’ recipients emotionally?
3. How can we get as many people as possible involved in this event (starting at least three to six months out)?
Don’t Follow Verizon’s Lead!
Posted by: | CommentsI’m constantly amazed how a large company can be so terrible at customer service and have their systems so poorly designed and run. I’ve written about this multiple times, but there are two key lessons any business ought to take from my latest encounter with the mess called Verizon.
First, before I share the two lessons, here’s what happened. I received my latest bill yesterday and now, for the fourth month in a row it’s wrong. Each time I call and talk with a representative. Each time they make the change on their end and tell me what the correct figure is. Each time I ask, “Are you sure this is the correct amount?” Each time, they say “Yes!” So, I pay the amount they tell me to and then when I receive my next bill, guess what? Exactly, there’s a “balance forwarded” amount equal to what I was told not to pay.
But to make matters worse, when I called this time, I went through their voice mail system (which is frustrating in an of itself). However, when I finally got to the response, “Your wait time is …”, I was told, “Your wait time is 15 minutes. If you’d like us to call you back in 15 minutes, please press 1”. When I heard that, I was pleasantly surprised. “Hey, this is a nice change!” So, I left my name and number (which was interesting given that they already had both), and went and did something else rather than wait with a phone next to my hear.
Around fifteen minutes later, the phone rang. However, instead of a “live” person, it was an automated attendant. It confirmed I was on the line and then told me I would get the next available customer service agent. Why the system was designed so that I wasn’t directly connected to an attendant makes no sense. But that wasn’t the frustrating part. The frustrating part was that I had to wait on hold an additional 15 minutes before a “live” attendant came on line.
So much for the customer service idea of leaving a number so I didn’t have to wait on a phone line for an attendant. In fact, I would have felt better had I just remained on the line in the first place.
Now that you know the situation, what are the two lessons that you and I need to take away from this experience–lessons even Verizon doesn’t get?
1. Make it easy for frustrated people to contact you and get the answers they want ASAP. When a customer decides to call customer service, they’re usually already frustrated. So when you’re frustrated, how excited are you to have to go through 52 questions to “get to the right person”? Not very. When someone’s frustrated, they want to talk to a real person who can answer their questions and solve their problems immediately. The last thing they want to do is to go through 20 or 50 questions just to get to the person they wanted to talk with when they originally called.
So, as you look at your business, where do you make it hard for customers to deal with you? When do you make it hard for them to get answers or solve a problem?
2. When you make a promise to a customer or prospect, you better deliver on that expectation–or don’t make the claim in the first place. Why? Because promises raise expectations. If Verizon hadn’t offered the 15 minute return call so I didn’t have to wait on the phone, I wouldn’t have been as ticked off. But because they made the offer (a systems choice), they raised my expectations–which made the 15 minute wait after they called me back even worse. I wasn’t ticked the first time, but the second time I was.
So, as you look at your business, where do you make promises that you aren’t fully living out? When do you raise expectations that you aren’t following through (or consistently following through) all the time?
If you want to grow the kind of business customers want to use over and over again, then you’ll want to apply these two lessons on a consistent basis to your business.
To your accelerated success!
Do Your People Know What an “A” Looks Like?
Posted by: | CommentsIf you’re like most of my clients, chances are you regularly get frustrated by the performance of your people. Sometimes it’s because they’re not executing fast enough. Sometimes it’s because they’re not thinking clearly and anticipating issues and problems. Etc. But one of the more common frustrations is “They just don’t execute at a high enough standard,” (which, of course, is a nice translation of, “They dropped the ball”).
So, what can you do to quickly improve their performance while decreasing their mistakes?
One answer is to raise their standards by clearly defining what an “A” performance looks like. My guess is that if you were to do that right now with your team, you’d probably end up with a fairly divergent set of answers to the question, “What do you think an ”A“ (or ”A+“ or ”10“) looks like?”
If you think “everyone” on your team already knows the “right” answer, I challenge you to have them write their answers out WITHOUT any discussion. Then have them share and compare their written answers and, unless you’re an unusually gifted leader, you’ll probably find that everyone isn’t on the same page. Don’t be surprised by this. It’s normal. Everyone has expectations all the time about everything–and rarely are they ever the same–unless someone has repeatedly defined what those expectations should be (which, by the way, is your job :-).
It’s not a bad idea to have a team discussion about what an “A” should look like–but never ever surrender your responsibility as the leader to set the standards. Hopefully, as the primary leader, you can persuade your people to concur with what you think an “A” should look like. But if you get to an impasse, feel free to use your “leader card.”
Now, when you’re developing your standards, make sure you’re thinking about both negative and positive standards. For example, in a previous career, I used to pastor a large church. Now, if you’ve ever attended a religious service of any persuasion, you’ve undoubtedly encountered a few mistakes during their service (a Power Point slide has a typo or the person on the Power Point isn’t in the same place as the speaker or worship leader. The lighting person has lights off when they should be on. A microphone crackles or dies during the message, etc.).
Obviously most religious leaders don’t want that to happen during their services–but they do–and almost every week, at least in any religious service I’ve ever attended. So, to combat that, one of my standards for our services was, “No Dropped Balls!” Now, I could have chosen a positive standard, “Every cue right!” but the power of the phrase, “No Dropped Balls!” was so much better and clearer that I chose that one.
On the other hand, here’s a positive one. Have you ever been in a religious service and the music just didn’t “move” you? Why isn’t that? Forget the words and the quality of the musicians, there are songs (secular and religious), that either cause you to want to tap your foot or not. The ones that cause you to want to tap your foot (they can be slow or fast, the tempo is irrelevant) are songs that have an intrinsic beat. The words are a distant second to the rhythm when it comes to people feeling moved. Therefore, one of my standards was, “Every song chosen needs to cause someone to want to move physiologically.” So some of your standards might be worded positively, while others might be more powerful if worded negatively.
Now, I know most of you aren’t leading a religious organization, you’re leading a business. But the principle I’m sharing with you is just as valid. Unless your people have a clear vision of what you want them to produce, chances are they won’t hit it. You’ll be frustrated with them continually and they’ll feel they can’t make you happy. So, eliminate that.
Clearly define what an “A” looks like in terms that everyone can understand. Hopefully, you noticed as you read this post that I came up with simple phrases like, “No Dropped Balls!” to describe what the standard was. Then, once you set the standards, you’ve got to cast vision for them every week (not once in awhile–every week). Then ensure that the systems, accountabilities, and resources are in place to ensure that week in and week out, your team is performing at an “A” level.
If you make this simple change, I’m confident you’ll see a massive difference in your people!
To your accelerated success!
P.S. Just as an aside. I left my church four and a half years ago and one of the common refrains I hear from people is, “It’s just not the same. Every week something happens where I think, ‘If Bruce was here, he wouldn’t have let that happen.’“ In other words, unless a leader casts vision for excellence (an ”A“) and holds people accountable to those standards, every organization and group of people will slowly move toward accepting something less. It is your job to ensure that doesn’t happen.
Don’t Think About It, Do It!
Posted by: | CommentsHow many times have you thought about doing something that you know would be helpful or good or beneficial–and then not done it? I know, probably somewhere north of ten thousand times (at least that’s my running total).
Well, this week, I’m on vacation at one of my favorite places on planet earth, Sea Pines Plantation in Hilton Head, NC.
And as is my custom, I get up each morning, get on a rental bike, and go for about an hour long bike ride along the bike paths inside this beautiful resort–filled with wildlife (including gators), gorgeous golf courses, and multi-million dollar homes.
Yesterday morning (Sunday), as I was on my ride, I noticed a number of other people who were running (which is clearly more exercise than I was getting on my pleasure bike ride). And as I saw them, many who were in great shape, I silently thought to myself, “Boy, I wish I were in that great a shape.” Or, “I used to be one of them (like 30 years ago when I was a multi-sport athlete).”
But as I thought those thoughts, my negative thought patterns sprung into action.
- “But I’m not one of them any more.”
- “My knees are in such bad shape from soccer, I can’t run anymore.”
- “It’s been so long since I’ve run, it’ll be an embarrassment if I even start.”
- “I’m too out of shape to run right now, I’ll need to work up to it.” Etc.
You know those kinds of thoughts don’t you?
But something magical happened when I arrived back at our vacation home. I got off my bike and said to myself, “Forget about all the reasons why this won’t work. Just try it. Just run to the fire hydrant. You always talk about speed of implementation. Back it up Jack.”
So I did. Now, it wasn’t pretty. I’d pick a spot. Run to it. Walk the same distance. Run to another spot. Walk the same distance. Run to another spot. Etc. I felt like I sucked all the oxygen out of Hilton Head Island. Hyperventilation would be a polite way of saying what I was experiencing. But I did it!
And this morning, after another hour long bike ride, I ran again. This time, I went about four times farther and sucked a little less oxygen. And so I find myself, on this second day of vacation thinking about how often you and I allow our excuses to get in the way of making progress (not just in our personal lives, but also in our businesses and organizations).
So, how about you? What have you been thinking about doing, but haven’t done, because you’ve allowed your head to get in the way of doing it?
- Calling a prospect (it’s not the right time)
- Hiring a new sales person (I don’t have all the details worked out)
- Creating a new strategic plan (We’re too busy to take the time to work on that)
- Providing critical feedback to an employee (I don’t think they’ll respond well)
- Delegating several tasks (I can get them done faster if I just do them)
- Calling on a prospective joint venture partner (I don’t know if they’ll say, “Yes!” so I better wait)
We all do this. It’s nothing new. But it is reality. What holds you and me back has far more to do with what we tell ourselves than it does with finding some new idea or technique.
So rather than thinking about it today, why don’t you just do it. As long as it’s legal, beneficial, profitable, good, etc. go for it. You’ll be glad you did.
To your accelerated success!





Cirque du Soleil wasn’t the first circus. Southwest wasn’t the first airplane company. Curves wasn’t the first health fitness facility. Etc.
The iPod wasn’t the first mp3 player. And the iPhone certainly wasn’t the first cell phone. But Apple, usually referred to as, “the most innovative company on the planet,” usually has winners when it looks at what people already want and then makes something original in that field.